Down and Out

In my last post I showed my true crazy side and emotions and I have to say the feedback I received from my friends was surprisingly positive.  I was told over and over how other working moms often feel the same way I do but they do their best to keep it together and not show what they think others will perceive as "weakness."  I was very happy that no one "mocked" me for showing my feelings and no one treated me differently.  It felt amazing to finally put my feelings out there and get them off of my chest rather than bottling them in.

Shortly after that post we were able to take the family on a weekend trip to Kansas City.  We had some points for a free hotel from our Choice Rewards that we had to use soon so we settled on KC.  It was a great trip.  We were able to take our kids the T Rex Cafe and we were also able to meet up with my husband's aunt and uncle as well as a friend of mine that I met when I worked at Worlds of Fun.  It was a great dinner and our 5 year old was amazed at the dinosaur environment.  We even let the boys build their own dino at the Build a Bear (Dino) store that was inside the restaurant. Even though it was FREEZING cold that weekend, we didn't let it stop us from doing the things we had planned.  We took the boys to Lego Land and I swear we made our 5 year old's year by doing this.  He is OBSESSED with Legos and is having a Lego birthday party this summer!  We finished the trip with a must stop visit to a store called Cargo Largo.  Basically they get returns and clearanced items and sell them super cheap.  We always find some amazing deals here,  We would be in so much trouble if we lived close to KC.  We were not able to stop at our other must stop locations while in KC, the City Market, because it was so cold.  We love the Arab spice vendor.  Any spice or spice blend you can think of, they have.  They only charge $1-$2  per scoop and I would say each scoop is at least a cup.  We returned home and went back to the daily grind.

Back home we decided our 2, almost 3 year old son, was ready to move in to a big boy bed.  I'm not talking transitioning from toddler to big bed.  Nope, he was still in a crib and was quite content there.  We found an amazing memory foam mattress then let him pick out his bedding.  He chose trucks.  Doesn't really go with the previous jungle animal theme so I guess we have some work to do so the themes don't clash.  He was so happy.  He stayed in his bed all night from the first night.  We have not had any problems with him getting up in the middle of the night.  In fact,  who needs an alarm clock when you have him.  He knows when the sun comes up and he will not let anyone sleep past the moment he knows the sun is up.  Its hard to get mad at the face for waking you up that early .  When he smiles your heart just melts and his dimples....wow...I can't even.  He was so happy about his bed that he made sure every visitor to the house saw his new big boy bed for about a month after he got it.  

The evening we got the bed was going perfect....until bedtime.  Our 5 year old was running around the house after his shower and he slipped on the hardwood as he came around a corner.  He fell and his glasses split his eyebrow open.  So....life with boys is never dull.  Daddy took him to the ER where they were able to glue the gash back together rather than stitch him.  

A few weeks later it was time for our son's 3rd birthday party.  He chose Minions.  To this day I haven't the slightest clue why because he never has seen any minion movies and refuses to watch them at home.  But the little stinker sure knows what Minions say "Banana!!!"  The party was sugar overload.  We didn't have a meal, per say, but we had enough sweets to put a healthy person in to a diabetic coma.  We had twinkies with Minion wraps on them, bananas with minion wraps, minion cereal, minion birthday cake, puppy chow with blue and yellow m&ms, Minion cupcakes, minion fruit snacks, and probably a whole lot more than I cannot remember.  The party was great.  He got some new toys and new clothes and was so happy about all of it.  He got a new tool bench and outdoor gardening and lawn care set from mommy and daddy.  We all had a really good time.  

January 30 marked a very important date in my family's history.  On this day 20 years ago, a fire truck crashed through the front of our house sending my mother to an advanced trauma hospital because she was actually struck by the truck.  See what had happened was there was a flue fire up the hill from us so the fire department was called.  They arrived and someone forgot to block the wheel of a truck.  The emergency brake slipped and down the steep hill it began to roll.  One of the fire men noticed this and tried to jump in to the truck to stop it but was struck by the open passenger side door and thrown in to a row of mailboxes.  He also ended up being transported to the advanced trauma hospital.  The truck then continued down the hill where it crashed through the front of our house and struck my mother who was watching the incident from the front door window.  The fire truck came to rest inside of my brother's room.  Luckily it was a smaller truck.  My brother was on the phone with one of his best friend's lying on his bed when this happened.  Somehow he sustained a gash above his eye.  His mirrored dresser was blocking the door to leave his room but he was able to get out.  He ran out to the living room looking for me and found me sitting on the floor.  He picked me up and took me back to mom and dad's room, which was on the back side of the house and not damaged.  All I remember asking him was "Is this real?"  He said it was and I don't recall another time that I had even been so scared.  I was 11 years old, what was I supposed to think.  Prior to this the most awful thing that I remember happening were some awesome bike wrecks that left some cool scars.  Scars I have to this day that still have oil trapped inside of them because they were not cleaned by the ER staff. Anyway, my mom and the fire fighter made a full recovery.  We lived with my grandparent's for 3 months while our home was repaired.  We moved back in and my family has been there ever since.  

I consider my whole family to be lucky because this could have been so much worse.  I know we had angels watching over us during this time.  My mother was lucky that she didn't get killed.  Not many people can probably say they were hit by a firetruck and thrown through a wall and live to tell the tale.  My brother was lucky in that he was so close to the impact and he only sustained a cut that required a few stitches.  I was lucky in that I didn't receive a scratch but I had been in two places prior to the impact that would have killed me for sure.  I have no doubt.  I remember looking out of my bedroom window at was going on.  I went back to my bed about 30 seconds later and laid there for about a minute before going out to the living room to ask my mother what was going on.  That's when the truck hit.  I was 6 feet away from it.  The impact forced a set of dresser drawers through my brother's wall and into my room which crashed up against my dresser drawers, right along the wall that I had been standing at looking out the window just moments prior.  The impact also threw my brother's television through the wall and it landed on my bed, right in the area of where my head and chest where while I was laying down.  I have no doubt that the force of these impacts would have killed my 11 year old body instantly.  I feel truly blessed that we all made it through this incident alive and in one piece.  I remember that my dad called the house, like he did every night that he was on the road (he is an over the road truck driver) and his phone call was answered by the Sgt of the police department who told him what happened.  My dad made it to the hospital in about 30 minutes of the call.  The drive should have easily been an hour and he was fully loaded too.  He doesn't even remember the drive he has said. 

Moving along....

We finally had some new family photos taken. It had been 2 years since the last set.  The photographs were done by an amazing photographer who made this the least stressful family session we have ever done.  And bonus,,,,he does AMAZING work!!!!!!  Our boys were so well behaved and he just took pictures naturally instead of "posing" them and making them stay in one spot.  They turned out great.  The photographer was Rodrigo Pineda.  Below are our favorites!!!!

The month of February brought us a much needed double date day out with our neighbors who have blossomed into our best friends (sorry Cassie, I have more than one but I still love you!!!!)  We went to the Goodwill Outlet, Ikea (where we spent waaaaaaaay toooooooo much money) and to a local root beer brewery where we had dinner and the biggest root beer floats I have every laid my eyes upon.  It was so relaxing to get away.  Us two moms had really been having some stressful days with our children so this was so welcome and so relaxing.   

It was a good thing we had our relaxing weekend because February 19 ended our 24 hour streak of horrible luck.   February 18th my husband got home an said there was a warning light on in his truck.  The company said that he should not drive it anymore because the whole transmission could just lock unexpectedly.  So we used our insurance roadside assistance and had the truck towed to the dealer we bought the truck from.  The next day we received a phone call that the truck was fixed and it was covered 100% by the warranty.  AWESOME!!!  A few hours later we received a call that said our truck had been hit on the parking lot of the dealer,  but the damages had already been paid for by the striking vehicle.  Still stunk.  That truck is my husband's baby.  That evening I was driving to a small town to sell some crib bedding.  I was not even 2 miles from home and a deer jumped out of the woods and I hit him dead center.  He somersaulted in the air and  caused $5000 in damage to my car.  UGH!!!!  Luckily all is fixed now and no one got hurt. 

We finally finished with IEP testing for my 5 year old.  Basically they said he is overactive, but not to the point that he needs an IEP.  They also said, based on the testing, that he probably has an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  So our next step is to get him medically diagnosed.  The school was also going to look in to a 504 plan for his encopresis and Sensory Processing Disorder.  I haven't heard anything back yet.  It was comforting to know that my mother's intuition in regards to the ASD were not too far off base.  Now we move on and give him a normal life.

March 20th brought the sad news that a former officer of our department lost his battle with cancer.  He was a great man and a great role model.  Our department attended both the visitation and the burial in uniform.  This is the first law enforcement funeral I have ever attended.  It was truly a touching and emotional experience.  We had bagpipes being played and a 21 gun salute.  It was amazing to see how much he was loved by the community he served and protected for over 20 years.  

March 25th I took the boys to an Easter Egg Hunt at a nursing home in my hometown.  My aunt actually told me about it and I am so glad she did.  They had a great time and they were surprised when pawpa (my dad) showed up there to watch.  My 5 year old won a drawing for a gift basket.  It was filled with gift certificates to local places which included the bakery, the fudge shoppe. the candy shop, and the local deli.  He was so happy and beaming with pride and excitement.  The Easter egg hunt in the town we live in now.....well.... that didn't go so well.  My 5 year old was so obsessed with finding the golden egg that he only picked up 3 eggs.  Meltdown City!!!!  Great!!  Luckily another little boy saw this and he came and gave my son some of the eggs he had found.  It was very sweet.  It is good to know that there are still parents out there that are teaching their children kindness, compassion, and sharing.  We also had Easter at my Aunt's house with my grandmother.  We had a great time.  What was even more fun was watching the little kids beat up on my baby cousin (not so much a baby-in college.) It was great seeing the children of the cousins pick up where the adult cousins left off.  lol  

April 8 brought my 8 year anniversary as a police officer.  It is hard to believe it has been that long.  I have developed some of the best friendships both with officers and non officers as a result of this job.  They are all people that I would have never met and I am truly blessed to have each one of them in my life.  These last few weeks have truly shown how much friendship means to these friends.  April 6th I felt awful so one of my best friends, Krista, was gracious enough to pick my son up from pre school, take him to kindergarten screening, then hang out with him the rest of the day.  

I have also been reminded about how much friendship means in this past week.  See, April 17 I ended up getting into an altercation at work after the suspect slipped her handcuffs off.  Without going in to too much detail, since the charges are not finalized yet, I ended up tearing my ACL.  Bascially when another officer and I went to place her on her stomach, I turned quickly with all of my weight on my left leg, heard a pop, and fell down the hillside.  An MRI this past Friday confirmed my worst fears....A completely torn ACL.  I have now been referred to an Orthopedist for news on what's next, but I have no doubt in my mind that surgery is in my near future.  I don't believe there is any amount of physical therapy that will heal this injury.  Right now I am on crutches and only able to place a small amount of weight on the injury.  I feel so helpless.  I feel so useless.  I am trying my best to stay busy and eat healthy so depression does not sink in.  I am trying to stay as active as possible so I do not gain a lot of weight.  I hate feeling so dependent on people.  I can't even get in and out of the shower alone because I cannot bend my knee to get in.   I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared.  I am scared and nervous about this.  Will my knee be the same after this?  Will I be able to play softball again?  Is my age going to hinder or delay my recovery?  I am also nervous and scared about the actual procedure.  I have NEVER been put under before.  I don't know what to expect and I am actually a little scared of it.  I know I have a lot of people praying for me and I will just have to give it all to God and know that he is in control.

As far as friends, I have received phone calls and text messages several times a day checking in on me.  I have friends that have taken me to appointments.  I have my neighbor, and best friend Lea, who has been taking the boys on the days they wouldn't normally be in daycare.  I have an amazing support system an I don't know what I would do without the.

So apparently the black lines on the right should be connected. Lol

Oh yeah... my 5 year old lost his first tooth!!!!!!  He didn't even cry.  What a strong guy!!!

To close out this blog post...here are 3 installments of why my kid is crying!!

I didn't take the "farm way" home

We didn't follow the U haul with the dinosaur on the side to its destination

He couldn't go to the dentist today

Anxiety, disappointment, failure

So I wrote this earlier today and kept it in my drafts. I have been back and forth as to whether or not I want to publish this or not. After some soul searching I decided (obviously) to post it and let people think what they will. 

Anxiety, disappointment, and failure.... All things that I live with every day it seems. 

I am constantly worried about failing those around me. Constantly worried that those who think I will fail will also think I am not adequate enough to do this job.  Do they think this.... Probably not, but my brain always spins it in a way that I believe this is true.  

I worry that I am failing my kids. I have missed so much of their short lives so far.  Missed things I will never get back. I'll never get back those early morning feeds where it was just the two of us looking at each other with love. I feel I failed them because I was only there half the time, less when I work nights. I most likely missed their first steps, their first crawl, and so many other firsts but I will

Never know because we have been blessed with amazing sitters over the years that never told us when those things happened so we would believe they were a first when we saw them.   

I wonder if I am failing them on the side of being a disciplinarian or a loving parent. Does my job make me see their actions in a different light. Do I see their actions and get upset because I just dealt with a teenager doing the same stuff and their parents never corrected them and now they were disrespectful brats?  I don't know. Do i "yell" or scold our kids in the same manner as others... Probably not. Take the other night, prefect example.... As we were leaving target our 5 year old continued his streak of not listening and decided it was okay to burst out of the exit doors and run right in to the driving lane. I yelled at him, he stopped dead in his tracks, and with his head down walked back to me apologizing for what he just did. In that instance I feel like people around me were thinking I am a horrible parent who needs to teach her kids how to listen and how to respect his parents. I also feel like I looked like a crazy woman when I yelled at him using my "cop" yell.  People just don't understand what it's like with a kid that has a few special needs. And it's even harder when some of my son's own extended family don't believe there is anything wrong with him. Sensory processing disorder is a beast to try to explain. It's hard when I have been told by a family member that there is nothing wrong with him and he is just being a kid. They have also told me that my poor decisions as a parent are the cause of his actions.

 Speaking of special needs... We have begun the process of having our son evaluated by the school district for autism. I want to believe that his only issue is his sensory processing disorder and he is one of the lucky ones that does not have an autism diagnosis to go with the SPD, but the older he gets the more I see his behavior just isn't "right."  I can only imagine how this will go with certain family of he is in fact given the educational diagnosis. I am just hoping for answers. I hope he doesn't have aspergers or another high functioning autism, but at least a negative result will allow me to stop questioning if there is something more. Worst case scenario, he has HFA and receives services through the school which will help him lead a normal and productive life. A life in which no one will know unless he tells them. 

Disappointment

Today I saw an article from Buzzfeed explaining something called imposter syndrome. Basically thinking you aren't good enough and the things you achieve were not really earned and people were being nice. At that very moment this article hit home. I constantly feel like I am not good enough. I feel that I could make 30 traffic stops in a day and make 2 arrests, and get a work out in and none of that would be good enough for someone (no one in particular.) I feel like just because I made X number of stops that they aren't good enough because they are in spots that are easy to find. I think this because I have been told this. Last I checked a stop is a stop. Never know what that stop will product. But I digress. I feel like I am disappointing my supervisors when something doesn't go "right" or when I try to explain something I am just being selfish and laying blame. Maybe that's what it comes across as, but in MY head I don't see that. I can't step outside and hear myself and wonder how this will be heard by someone else. I feel like I have dissapointed someone I work with and who has now subsequently lost all trust in me. I am not offended or hurt by what he thinks. In my head I know that I did the right thing. I always saw us a good acquaintances, not friends because it's not like I went out for drinks with him or hung out in my spare time, but enough of a listening ear that he felt comfortable venting too. Apparently word got around, not from me, what was said and when I was confronted by a supervisor I told the truth. That evening I told this person what had happened, because I thought that was the right thing to do so he wasn't blindsided by this,  and that I tried to deflect but it didn't matter. I may as well plunged a knife right into his back at that very moment. And then here comes my anxiety rearing its ugly little head.

I also feel like I am disappointing my extended family and failing them. I have always had trouble maintaining good relationships with my friends. I know I have upset my sister in law because I have unintentionally let our friendship dwindle. We were suite mates and friends in college. That's where we met and that's how she met my brother. So our relationship is more than the girl my brother married. Not only that, I am missing out on seeing my niece and nephew. I often feel like I am stretched so thin. Days I work... I get off, go home, eat dinner, Bathe the boys, get them to bed, then spend a little time with my husband. My off days.... Get boys up, take one to school, go workout, get lil guy from school (pre k) then run errands, (grocery shopping, post office, ect...) feed boys lunch, get lil lil guy down for a nap. By the time he wakes up my husband is about to get off work. I find it so hard to balance my family life with my outside family life with my "social" life. I am so hopeful that with my new schedule next year and having "normal" hours that I will be able to dedicate the time needed to make sure these relationships are all getting the attention they need. I mean, my brother and his family moved back home from Seattle and I feel like I see them only a little more now then I did when they were away and that is not right and it's my fault. 

Anxiety

Such a taboo word. People think that if you have anxiety that you are weak, that you just need to get thicker skin and deal with life. Well, not that simple.

 Take the story above. Word got back to me that he was basically "done" with me. Even deleted me as a Facebook friend, whatever. I could honestly care less what one person thinks in that instance  because I know from the depths of my heart that I did the right thing and did the same thing that any other officer with integrity and respect for their command would have done. My thoughts, though, run out of control about who all has he told, who else thinks I am a backstabbing and untrustworthy bitch. These thoughts race through my head, they wake me from dreams. They spin out of control to the point that I begin to wonder that if the department thinks I am untrustworthy, will they be there for me when I need them?  I think they would regardless but my thoughts always revert back to worse case scenarios. 

That's just a snipit of the thoughts I have. That is one reason that I took to writing a blog. I felt if I was at least able to pen my thoughts that maybe they would clear my head because now they are out there. My crazy is out there for the world to see, even if it really isn't craziness. I'm not ashamed to admit that I went to see a counselor last summer for my anxiety. It was well worth the time I spent. Telling someone all of my deepest thoughts that had plagued me since I was a teenager felt amazing. The relief I felt when I let it out was immense. Words cannot describe the weight that I felt was lifted off of my shoulders. Over the course of the next 8 weeks of sessions I could tell things were different. I felt free. I felt open.  I was also referred to an amazing primary care doc that values the importance of mental health. We talked for a bit and he prescribed me a very mild  anti anxiety medication. That in conjunction with my sessions did wonders. I wasn't yelling at the boys so often, I wasn't getting as mad at work about little things, I wasn't  being distant or mad at my husband. Things were great. But this medication had a side effect of weight gain. I gained almost 10 pounds in the short months that I took it despite eating well and exercising. I brought my concerns to my doc and he switched my medication. The transition was a little rough. There was a week during the early phase of the switch that nothing was right, I was getting mad at the kids at the drop of a hat, I didn't want my husband near me and I felt like I was just going to explode from my anxiety. The next week all of that went away, presumably because the medication had finally

Leveled out. 

My anxiety often causes me to have very rough sleep.  It causes me to have no nails. When I am really nervous or anxious about something I pick my nails. I've done it ever since I was at least 4, I know this age because apparently I was doing it in a family photograph. I often pick them to the point that they may bleed or just be painful. I let them grow a few days and then the viscous cycle starts all over. I guess I see it as my outlet. I don't do it because I want the pain. I hate it and that doesn't make me feel better, but it's something that I just can't seem to stop doing. I can stop for a few weeks if I know I have an event coming up that k want to paint my nails for, but those few weeks are like a smoker who can't smoke or an alcoholic that can't have a drink. My biggest relief is when I can actually pick them back down to where they were. Yes, I totally

Sound like a big ball of crazy right now but I swear I'm really not and I am typically able to conceal all of this and lead a "normal" life. 

 I always wonder if something I said or did is going to come back to haunt me. I always think people have other motives when they are around me. I worry that people will never forgive and forget something I said, even if it was not mean but rather caused a disagreement. I believe that the thought will always be in the back of their kid and I will never get it to go away.

  I worry that these "grudges" so to speak will linger and haunt me when I apply for a supervisory position. I was told last year that as long as certain people were In charge that I would probably not get stripes. Wow!  Okay!  That was one of the things that prompted me to look for employment elsewhere. Why should I stay someone where I have no room for advancement. I didn't want to retire from this position as a patrol officer. I just didn't. I feel that my decision to do this pissed a lot of people off, even if it really didn't and no one thinks anything of it. I felt like my prayers were answered when the school resource officer position came up. I feel that this is someone where that I can excel. This is somewhere that I can envision myself finishing my career at, even if it means retiring as "just" a patrol officer. 

Well enough about my cray cray "feelings."  Onto happier things!

So we have taken on many milestones for the boys this week. We enrolled our 5 year old in kindergarten for next year. I cannot believe my boy is going to be in school. We delayed him a year so I should be ready, but a part of me is not. I feel like if I blink he will be graduating and we will be shipping him off to San Diego for Marine boot camp and then watching him graduate from his School of Infantry. This kid has grunt written all over him and nothing would make his daddy more proud. Little dude on the other hand, we just don't see the Corps being in his future. He loves to play doctor and checkup so maybe he will go into the navy and be a field medic or become an actual physician through the Navy. We can see that. Then again, he may shy competed away from the military and that's okay with us too. 

Speaking of little guy, his 3rd birthday is quickly approaching. When did my baby boy grow up. We still aren't potty trained but we have had some spontaneous success in this matter. We told ourselves that when he was ready he would do it and we wouldn't it force it upon him. We "forced" and forced our 5 year old and all it did was lead to a lot of tears (from in and I,) a lot of stress, and it was all for naught. He still didn't decide to do it until he was almost 4. 

The next thing we decided is to change little guys bed into a big boy bed. And no I'm not talking transitioning from a toddler to a big bed.... No, he is still in his crib. Yep my 3 year old still in a crib. He likes it. He likes feeling "confined."  He doesn't try to get out, well at least he hadn't done that until recently. The other morning he threw open my bedroom door and announced to me that it was morning time and it was time to get up. Well okay, big boy bed time. We found a really cool memory foam mattress at a local store for a really good price and it comes with a memory foam contour pillow. Not going to lie, I am pretty excited. I'm not sure who is more excited. We went to target afterwards and he picked out "truck" bedding. He has carried the package all around the house ever since we got it since we don't have the mattress because they had to order it in.  Can't wait!

I began the new year with my typical get back into the gym dedication. I may stick with this. Since last Monday, (1/4) I have lost 5 pounds. I am very excited. My goal is 25 pounds so I am hopeful by summer I can achieve my goal!!!

One more day and we get to leave for a short weekend trip!  We are taking the boys to Kansas City. We had some choice hotel reward points we had to use by the end of January so this was what we chose. We are taking them to a restaurant called T Rex. Our boys will love this!! It's a dinosaur themed restaurant like Rainforest Cafe. Even though it's just an overnight trip, we are excited. It's nice to just get away. To get away from "life" and have fun. 

So anyway, that's really all I got for now. The beginning of this post was just a lot of thoughts that had been weighing on me for a while and I just needed to get it out. Sorry if it seemed like a rant or a complain session, because that was totally not the intention. 

Thanks for taking your time to read this!  

New Year....New post

Well the holidays are over and things are mostly back to normal.  I'm back on day shift at work, which I love since it allows me to spend my evenings at home with my family.  Thanks to my new SRO position, I may only have one more actual night shift rotation left before I begin the summer SRO schedule (which is park patrol) and then on to the school.  I am beyond excited to begin this new chapter in my life.

My excitement for being an SRO grew  by leaps and bounds while I attended a week long training to be "certified" or allowed by the State of Missouri to be an SRO.  I met some amazing officers that ranged from very urban and very rough to small town America.  It was a great group of people to work with for the week and I made a lot of great contacts and built some friendships while I was there.  We went through the basics like the history of the program and what we can and can't do with regards to FERPA (the school version of HIPAA.)  We also had a 2 day training mixed in dealing with identifying drug usage in a school setting.  It was a very informative training and it made some light bulbs click when we went over the signs and symptoms of a particular drug.  So many times  I have had someone that I have been dealing with either on a call or in custody and I just couldn't put my finger on what was different about this person.  This made so much more sense.  We also went over school safety and active shooter information.  I am so excited to have the opportunity to be a part of protecting the kids in our schools.  We all like to think that "it won't happen here" but I bet that's what every community that has had a school shooting has said.  No community is immune to the possibility of this happening.   We learned a lot about the new teaching of not so much locking down, but getting out if possible or even fighting back.  I have had a few tell me that it may be effective for older kids but there is no way an Elementary school aged kid would be able to fight back or know why they are doing what they are doing.  If that's your belief I think you are not giving these kids enough credit.  They are smarter than we think and I have no doubt in my mind that these kids could do this if they were taught to do it.  I know we will be teaching my children how to do this.  We were told that of the classroom of kindergartners that were murdered, 2 children survived...why...apparently they ran right past the sorry excuse for a human when he came in to the classroom.  This is why I think our kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

This was the thing I missed most while at training!

Not a whole lot has really been going on at work.  We had our yearly department Christmas party at which time I received a "life saving" award for a CPR save I had in 2014.  My squad mate also received one for a AED/CPR save he had on another call.  

I was recently asked to be a board member of the newly formed Chaplaincy group that was formed in my county/community.  Apparently they were looking for a female officer in the area and my name came up three separate times.  One of the people that brought my name up was someone that I had never met.  He knew of me through my brother who was in his Bible study group and he was very instrumental in helping my brother work through some issues that came up in his life.  The other two was a husband and wife couple who lead a local Cop ministry and who helped form this group.  I am very excited to be apart of this and look forward to where it may lead me!

I also sit back and think how blessed I am to have a very supportive group of people I work with, many of which I consider to be friends and not just co-workers.  Those are the ones that I trust, that I confide in.  The ones that I know would NEVER ask my to place my integrity on the line to lie for them when it is clear that the person talking to me already knows the answer to the question asked.  I don't know of too many other officers that would do any different.  Those that would ask me to do that are probably not friends and they can talk about me all they want behind my back.  I really don't care.  

With the new year arriving, it is now time for me to get my butt in gear and start helping our department's Explorer post raise some money so we can take them to the National Conference in Flagstaff, Arizona.  It should be a good time so hopefully we can raise enough to cover expenses so that some of the children don't have to be told that cannot go if their family cannot afford to cover the rest of the costs for their kids.  We have been very fortunate in years past that we have only asked our kids to pay  $50-$100 as a deposit so to speak so they have some financial investment in it and won't decide not to go at the last minute since the post has to pay whether they go or not.  Our kids have a really good time and we try to take them on some "adventures" in the areas we visit.  When we went to Ft. Collins, Colorado we spent a lot of time in the mountains it seemed.  On the way home we went to Pike's Peak.  I enjoyed it, but not as much as I could have since I was 12 weeks pregnant.  So anyway...we are working on some dine and donate things and a street collection so hopefully those pan out for us and we are successful.  Our kids work hard during the year being present at the downtown festivals to manage drink sales for the downtown association and they also make themselves available when someone has a community event and wants fingerprinting done for the children that attend.  They also work hard at the meetings soaking in all of the information we throw at them,  They work very well together and when it comes time for practicals, they do really well.  We are very proud of how hard they work and how well they work together.

Life on the home front has been exciting as of late.  Our biggest blessing is that we sold our first home that we had been renting out.  We were ecstatic that it was under contract about a month after listing it.  Everything went smoothly with the home inspection and the buyers and we closed on December 4!  Such a happy day.  Luckily the money we "made" helped bring us back to where were were financially before we lost over $3000 to our former tenants who have made no attempt to make good on their civil judgement despite their word that they would make payments but we really expected no less.    We also FINALLY completed a fence for our dog.  We tried so many things to contain him without putting up chain link but we finally had no choice.  For some reason the underground fence wouldn't work and he was terrified of the wireless fence.  In fact he jumped through it and ran away for a few days.  We didn't want to put the fence up at first because we didn't want to be "those" neighbors who came into the neighborhood and put a fence up when no one else near us had one.  Now we don't care, besides, our next door neighbor hates us we are pretty sure.  He glares at us and blames us for his water run off problems.  He wanted us to help him pay for a retaining wall because of the water that ran down from our yard (which also had water from the two houses above us) so instead my husband installed corrugated piping underground from the downspouts to carry the water to the street.  Wasn't good enough.  Then he was mad that the water was now running into his driveway and washing away his corner of mulch near the gutter.  He hasn't spoke 10 words to us since we moved in 2 years ago.  Oh well.  Our dog is happy as can be now that he has his fence.  He has the whole run of the backyard, but apparently spends the day staring across the street at our neighbors house looking sad.  

Speaking of our dog, we recently had a new water meter installed by the city so that they could remotely get the readings for billing.  Well I guess the city worker was also out there to see what residents hadn't "registered" their animals.  I guess they needed some way to help pay for the new water meters.  Wonder how many others got the same letter.  I hope the city doesn't spend those $2 in one place.  I am not opposed to the "fee," which is ridiculous by all accounts of local vets, but they could have gone about it differently.  Our small town is apparently the only one that does it anymore.  Seems like a waste of resources if you ask me.  That's okay, since they chose to address this in this manner, I have made it clear that no city employee (other than police on police business) is to be on our grounds (with the exception of their city right of way)  without both my husband and I being home.  


The tenth anniversary of my 21st birthday came and went.  My husband got me a pretty amazing gift...No sarcasm at all...he got me my very own Label maker.  He has no idea what kind of monster he has created.  There will be labels all over this house!  This is an OCD girl's dream.  We had a nice dinner at home with our good friends/neighbors.  And by nice dinner I mean we ordered pizza takeout from the local place in town since they were having an awesome special.  My parents came to the town I work in the next evening and took me out for dinner while I was at work.  I was blown away when our server came to me and told me that there was someone at the counter who wanted to buy a bowl of ice cream for me to thank me for what we do.  I was quite shocked. I went and thanked her and she said she would have paid for my meal had it not been paid for already (it was a pay then eat buffet style place.)  I felt honored that she did that for me.  I didn't need ice cream by any means, but I also did not want to be rude and deny it.   It felt very nice to be appreciated for what we do in this crazy world that we live in now where so many see us as a "goon" squad.  Our community has always been very supportive of our department and we didn't get a whole lot of the Ferguson effect even though we are a little over an hour away, at least not that I really noticed. 

And that brings us to Christmas.  Christmas was great.  I helped our 5 year old make Ninja Turtle Christmas ornaments for the tree we got for his room.  He had a blast and everyone we showed them to loved them.  

 We were also very blessed for the gifts our children received.  It was evident that they are truly loved and that we have so much to be thankful for.  I love the holidays just because that is the one time of the year that we are pretty much guaranteed to see everyone in the family.  We opened our home up to my mom's side of the family (which is the family I feel closest to and the cousins whom I consider to be more than cousins because I consider them some of my best friends.)  I love having everyone over.  It can be stressful but what family gathering isn't complete without a little stress.  Never in a million years would I have thought that our home could hold 30 people, mostly adults, without us all tripping over each other.  

I made some "candies" that I used to make with my mom when I was younger and I also made some cookies and made a peppermint bark that I saw on Pinterest.  It all turned out great!  I made too much and now I have cookies and "candies" all over that I won't eat since I have gone on my yearly "diet."  Speaking of diets...As of today....January 8. I am happy to say that I have lost 4 pounds just this week by cutting my calories and hitting the gym hard.  My goal is 25, so we shall see.  I am determined to get back to the weight I was at when I stopped nursing our youngest son.  I packed it on after I stopped despite cutting calories and working out.  It crept up and up to the tune of a 25 pound gain in 2 years.  I am not happy in my body and I don't want my boys to see me as their "big" mom, even though the people I am around say I don't look any different. I treated myself to a Fitbit Charge HR so I am hoping that keeps me motivated to do work.  Today I had 10,000 steps by 10:30 AM, but it probably helped that I spent an hour on the elliptical too.  

Our 5 year old got the two most important things he asked for...The Imaginext Transforming Bat Cave and a dancing/singing Snoopy from The Peanuts Movie...don't ask me...it was the random off the wall gift that he really wanted.  They also got some underwear and socks, some Transformer Rescue Bots, some Nerf guns and remote control cars, some Bubble Guppies toys, hot wheels and hot wheels tracks, clothing and pjs,the entire set of Goosebumps books (mine from when I was younger) and many others.   Our son is OBSESSED with Goosebumps, in fact it was one of the dates his daddy and I took him on.  His other date was the The Peanuts movie on Thanksgiving.  So we read 2 or 3 chapters a night from a book and he LOVES it!!!   I received a pair of beautiful diamond earrings from my husband, a Missouri State tote bag and Starbucks card from my Sister in laws, a 12 pack of essential oils and a book called Innocent Targets (a book concerning school safety with a section written by the great Lt. Col. David Grossman) from my Mother in law, an handmade wreath adorned with pink and purple ornament from my aunt and uncle (she said he made them all) and some cookbooks, and wine and other awesome goodies.  I bought my husband a new Amazon Fire tablet.  His Google Nexus finally gave out so he needed something to help him get through his long and uneventful trials at work.  

I am in love with my oils.  Just this week I bought a diffuser with a gift card I got for Christmas and we started diffusing lemon, lavender, and peppermint at night to help with the colds we had developed.  Not only did it make our room smell great, it helped us a lot.  I could tell as the day went on and I wasn't around them that my sinuses got worse.  I have now made myself a roller ball with that combination. I am so excited to get more oils so that I can have my own arsenal of oils for whatever ailment comes up.  I am also one step closer to being able to start making the lotions, soaps, and rollers that I previously talked about in an effort to make some money on the side.  

I have to put this in here, even though it does not flow at all with what I have already typed...as you have seen in other posts I participate in a site called Influenster.  I was chosen to receive their Jingle Bell Vox Box and I couldn't be happier.  It came with a coupon for a free bag of Ore Ida Potatoes, a Hallmark Itty Bitty that was Olaf from Frozen, a few packages of Biscoff biscotti biscuits, Kiss true volume fake eyelashes and the adhesive to place them, a small jar of Cetaphil lotion, NYC 24 hour eyeliner, and bottle of Blue Pure Ice nail polish.  Very cool stuff and I am happy with all of it.  I have not had a chance to use the eyelashes yet and I am not sure when I will, but I am sure they will look great when I do.  I can't really paint my nails because of work but I can paint my toes.  I was very happy with how fast it dried and how great it looked when it was on.  I also have to mention that all of those items were received at no cost to me to try and review.    If you want an invite send comment with your email address and I will send you one so you can join!!

That's all for now!!!

Catch up time!!!

So here it is...November....nearly 4 months since my last post.  I will apologize in advance for the long posting as I try to catch up and try not to miss good.

My summer started off decent I suppose.  For so many years I had been looking forward to attending the week long Regional Law Enforcement Explorer Academy in St. Louis as a level advisor.  It was all set and I was registered but then we fell upon a manpower issue at work and what I had been looking forward to was suddenly in jeopardy.  I was told that I could only go on my days off, but it seemed pointless to pack my bags for an overnight stay to have to come right back to work soon after.  Then we learned that the manpower issue was almost certainly going to be resolved because the release was almost certain to be signed by the doctor so I was told to pack for the week.  I was excited.  

I got to the academy on the evening of the start date after the kids had all checked in and were starting to wind down for the evening due to work, but that was no big deal.  I was ready for what was in store.  It was great.  One of our first morning sessions was to listen to various speakers on being prepared for the this job.  The most heart wrenching speaker we heard though was the mother of Kelli and Jessica Uhl.  These were two sisters that were killed in a horrible vehicle accident several years ago on Black Friday at the hands of an Illinois State Trooper who was driving far too fast and he was found to have been on his mobile computer and his cell phone moments before that fateful crash.  Their mother wasn't mad at police officers in general.  She told us she still respects us and in fact works with Below 100 giving presentations around the country to help officers see the consequences of bad decisions.  https://www.facebook.com/JessicaKelliUhl?_rdr=p

The activities continued.  The kids were taught defensive tactics, they were taught traffic stops, they particpated in roll plays, they ran an amazing obstacle course, and were taught some various movements by the St. Louis County SWAT team.  There was also some good ole Explorers vs Advisor kickball action too!  My week abruptly came to an end on my third night there.  I was told that the person that was supposed to get released by the doctor was not getting released and I would have to work the following night due to a manpower shortage.  I was upset but what could I do.  I packed up, turned my stuff in and left so I could prepare for my shift the following night.  Don't be fooled in to thinking it went as smoothly as that all sounds.  I was more than upset but there was nothing I could do except be upset since it wasn't going to change a thing.  On my way home I called my husband and told him what was going on.  He told me that was great (he missed me, and the boys were nuts!) buuuuuuut our dog ran away.  Crap.  Then I hit a possum on the highway.  Anything else????  

We posted on local Facebook sites that our dog was missing.  He was gone for almost 3 days I think when our amazing neighbors saw an ad on a Facebook yard sale site saying someone found this dog, which happened to be ours.  The lady wouldn't give our dog to our neighbor, which I understand, but I was sleeping and had NO clue this was even going on.  Eventually my neighbor got mad and went detecting in our tiny little town.  She sure did find the house, which was a decent ways from ours and our boy ran right to her van and jumped right in.  She kept him at her house until I woke up and told me the story.  He was physically okay.  Mentally....who knows.  That boy was nervous shedding chunks of fur all over her house.  I am almost certain she is still finding his fur in her house despite cleaning like a mad woman!!!  

August brought some fun events too!  We finally bit the bullet and bought a new truck.  We were to the point that we were sinking almost $600 a month into the other truck for electrical issues.  I finally told my husband that we needed to do something quickly before something major happens and his truck is worth NOTHING.  We started searching and the next night we found this beauty below.  We went to the dealer, test drove it, and a few hours later we were driving home in a 2013 Chevy Silverado LTZ Crew Cab truck.  We love it, and we Love Love Love the four doors.  My husband babies this thing more than I EVER saw him baby his old truck.  So yeah, we like it!

August also brought some news I had been waiting for.  I had been selected to test for the Maryland Heights PD despite the fact that I lived outside of the residency requirement.  I was excited!  I had been waiting for this for so long.  If I was selected for the open position I stood to make almost $25000 more a year!  I also would have had the opportunity for secondary employment to make a decent chunk more.  The test came and I did great!  I surprised myself with how well I did on the PT test.  I did as well as many of the kids that were still in the academy.  The afternoon I followed up with the written test, which was odd.  It was a video model.  I don't feel that test really showed what a police officer really knows about law enforcement.  It was hard because they were scenario based questions.  For a seasoned officer that is tough because one department may do things different than another department and policies on what to do also may be different.  It was hard to bring my mind down to academy level intelligence and forget what I would actually do in a situation.  I apparently did okay.  About a week later I was contacted and told I made in to the interview phase.  It was also a strange interview.  It was a group interview with me and 5 other applicants in front of a civilian police board.  We were asked questions by color.  We each got the same question and had a minute to answer.  I also was not a fan because it didn't provide me with the opportunity to show who I was because the questions were so vague and didn't really apply much to law enforcement.  I did okay. I was told I finished 9th out of over 30 applicants but they were only going to conduct a background on the first 6.  I was then contacted a few weeks later and told that they were going to begin a background investigation on me.  I never heard anything back, but that's okay, I ended up taking a better position within my current department anyway.  So I am staying put!

In August my husband and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary.  We spent a weekend in St. Louis, went to a ball game and stayed in a swanky hotel right next to the stadium.  Its hard to believe I have been married to this man for 6 years. He is a blessing in every way and the most amazing father I could ask for for our boys.  He is their hero!  Mine too!  We have had our ups and downs, mostly ups, but we are in this for the long haul!!

In late June we finally made the decision that our renters of our old house were way to behind in rent to us so we began the 30 day notice.  This eventually ended up in us taking them to civil court and winning a judgement of over $3000.00.  I hope to see the judgement someday as was promised, but I am not getting my hopes up until I see it.  I wish sometimes people could understand that we aren't some big company that can "afford" to not have rent.  We need that money to provide for our family.  I understand they have a family too, and we were willing to work with them if it was truly a financial issue but alas there was no luck.  They left the house the beginning of September and that house was listed with REmax in NO TIME.  We worked our tails off cleaning carpets, removing property left behind in the yard, planting grass, painting rooms and wall, staining the deck and just making it show ready!  We were discouraged at first because the buyers looking were not impressed with the house.  Finally we received an offer and I am so HAPPY to say we should be closing on the property in the next 2 weeks.  I am beyond excited to not have to worry about two mortgages anymore.  This has stressed me out beyond belief.  We have put more money on our credit card then I have ever done before and its not because we wanted to, its because we had to.  I will be so happy to take that money from the house pay off and pay this credit card to ZERO and be left with a mortgage and a truck payment for debt.  I can't stand debt!!!

As if I wasn't stressed enough I was at work one night and we got called to a house that we had been going to on a seemingly Regular basis for the last few weeks. It was a kid who had zero respect for any one, especially cops. We ended up detaining him for safety because of his sporadic actions and I was the one to do it. He pulled away and I regained control and detained him. When he was sitting on the ground the punk looked right at me and said that would have been easier if I was in better shape. I wanted to cry. No joke. I have struggled with my weight since middle school and I was now at a time where I was at my heaviest due to some medication changes and not nursing little dude anymore ( that part more of an accumulation.). It broke my heart. I had been trying. Was this what the other people in town thought of me. Am I just the fat girl cop?  I don't know... I am still working on it and hopefully someday I can look him in the face in a body I am comfortable with and say Ha!  

While all of this was going on I took a Mommy only trip to sunny San Diego to see one of my best friends.  I had been forward to this trip for months.  It had been planned since May!  It was great!  I rode in a taxi for the first time in my life to the airport so that was cool.    Did I miss my boys, Yes.  Did I enjoy my plane rides of peace and quiet and not having to worry about my energetic toddlers stomping on me or throwing a fit.  Oh YES!  That was ahhhhhhmazing!!  I think I even caught a nap!  I arrived in San Diego on 9-11.  It was obvious they were on high alert.  I don't know if this was normal but on this day, the San Diego PD did not look like someone to mess with.  There were officers posted in strategic locations with their patrol rifles ready to go...not slung.  They were prepared for anything.  

We got to my friends house and we all took a nice relaxing group snooze on the couch.  Just me, Elizabeth, and her two year old!  Peace and Quiet!  I woke up and she was gone.  Lol.  She came back with her teenage son and said she didn't want to wake me up.  So sweet.  I knew that was where she went, I just didn't realize it was that late.  We spent Saturday at Mission Bay Beach.  I also got to see another one of my friends and her family here.  I learned how to paddleboard as seen below.  It doesn't look difficult...but it is.  The amount of leg strength and balance needed astounded me.  I am happy to say that I didn't fall in once though.  The day at the beach ended with my friend's husband trying to throw me in to the water.  I think deep down he thought "she may be a cop, but I'm a guy...I can do this!"  He could not.  He did break my swimsuit clasp in the process though.  Oops.  I needed a new suit anyway.  The next day we chilled and watched the Chargers game.  I say we watched it.  I watched, they Yelled!!  Then it came time to leave.  I got to the airport, boarded my plane and flew to Phoenix for my connection.  Oh great...My already late arrival flight was now delayed 2 hours.  I did not into my nice comfy bed until almost 4 AM.  So much for an 11 PM arrival!  2 days later it was back to reality.

So funny work/dumb blonde moment story: What happens when you don't move your 31 "duty" bag away from the already turned patrol SUV tires?  Yep, you run over your bag.  As I was backing my SUV up to park it for the day since the shift was beyond over, I thought the wheels were straight and that I had plenty of room to back out and not run over anything. I had my bag, AED, and PBT all sitting near the passenger side.  I was basically being lazy and not wanting to carry 1000 things through the parking lot. As I back up I feel the tires go up on something and then I heard a loud POP.  CRAP!!!  I finished backing and expected the worst when  I looked.  All I could see was broken pink plastic.  Whew!  All I destroyed was my water bottle, not the important stuff.  I also blew out the side of my bag.  My coffee mug survived though, as did my ticket book...although it is a little bent up now.  I went to change then realized my tablet was in there.  I had a panic attack.  I opened it and shoot....the screen was shot.  There was no hope for it.  So long story short, we cancelled the contract on that tab and signed a new one so we could get an iPad for $50.  I like iPad's better anyway and I got to feed my 31 bags addiction with a new bag...so Win Win????

October brought us a huge blessing. We were contacted by a local police ministry who asked my husband and I if we would be willing to attend a law enforcement marriage seminar in Elkhart Indiana.  He sweetened the pot by telling us a couple at his church had graciously offered to pay for our hotel and conference registration. So we agreed. I would be lying if I said our marriage is perfect, because it isn't. This came at the most blessed time. We were in a rut and just couldn't seem to get out of it. A weekend away from the kids learning about coping with a law enforcement marriage was just what we needed. We had an amazing time. 

The conference was split between spouses and cops. It took the registration people a minute to realize that I was not just a spouse but an officer too. We sat with another local couple that was also sponsored by the church. The seminar was eye opening. The keynote speaker was Lt. Col. Dave Grossman. I don't know if you know who this man is but he is pretty much a legend and an idol in the police community. We learned about active shooter and why we shouldn't call them active shooters because shooters have skill that these mad men will never possess. We should refer to them as active murderers. Makes sense... That is what they are doing. He told us about the siege in Beslan when terrorists invaded an elementary school and killed so many innocent kids. This man was an amazing speaker and we were honored to have the opportunity to stand in his presence. We bought a few books that he autographed, each with a Bible quote of strength and determination. Then when he found out we were both in law enforcement and we were raising two small boys, he gave an autographed copy I his children's book called Sheepdogs. Grossman pioneered the sheepdog reference. The sheepdog (police/military) will always be there to protect the sheep (citizens) from the wolves (those who wish harm on the sheep) no matter what. A sheepdog is willing to risk their own life to save his sheep.  This man's words will stay with me forever. 

The following day was a fun day. A man that leads a police ministry in the Elkhart area conducted his annual law enforcement appreciation day. There was food galore, zip lines, rock walls, games for kids, spear throwing, and obstacle course, and of course some fun shooting. We both got to fire a 50 cal round which was pretty awesome!! We also got to shoot a modified 9mm that was full auto. It was so awesome. We left Indiana feeling blessed that we were able to attend this weekend with the help of friends and family. 

This is my husband and I with Lt Col Grossman. (Not a great pic of me but whatever) 

Check out these reads by Grossman. You will not be sorry. 

Below is my man shooting the 50 cal 

So I returned to work. I was training our new hire who had previous experience in southern Missouri. It was a day neither of us will soon forget. In both of our time as cops (about 8 years each) we had never received this call. 

"Respond to (address) for a chicken running at large. I thought he was going to crash the patrol car. We both looked at each other and had the same bewildered look. A chicken??  What?? Sure enough... We get in scene and there was a darn chicken running around the yard. He asked me what we should do. How should I know, I have never caught a chicken. You are the farm boy, you catch it. We decided to play detective and look for chicken coops instead and let the owners capture their own chicken. By the time we found the owner there were two chickens at large. End of story... They found their home. 

So November brought so many blessings to our family. I was told that beginning next year I would be the School Resource Officer for the middle school and take the place of the officer wanting to come back to the road. This was a blessing. This means a mostly m-f,8-4 job with a few weekends and fill ins here and there and most major holidays will be off as well. Summer's will consist of 12 hour shifts on park patrol duty which is pretty open to interpretation as we have parks all over town. In the summers I will lock bathrooms and handle any calls that originate in a local park. I go to training for a week at the end of this month!  

November also brought Veterans Day. I am astounded every day by our neighbors that we are new besties with. One day she watched the boys so I could go to an appointment and she found a canvas she had lying around so she had the boys put their handprints in a heart and then she had them give it to my husband for Veterans Day. Her oldest daughter also made him a few pictures to show her thanks. He loved it and was so touched that they thought of him in advance to do this type of craft. He also loved the pictures her daughter made. She is raising such a sweet and polite child!!

November also brings the start ooooofffff DEER HUNTING!! My hubs went out opening morning and killed this handsome fella below. The deer dropped in the water and when he got to him the only thing showing were his antlers so my hubs had to drag him by the rack out. He  was so proud. He is having the rack mounted!!  What was maybe the best of all of this... Someone reported my photo to Facebook for graphic violence. They didn't sustain it but still....really... Graphic violence. Since when does hunting to feed a family constitute graphic violence. Humans have been hunting animals since the human race began!  Hunting is a means of population control also so that the animals aren't overpopulated, diseases, and starving to death!! Besides... Deer is some darn good eatin!!! 

I will close this post out with a few little links that I have been working on.  I have recently signed up on two websites called instagc.com and mommyknowsurveys.com.  Each site allows you to take surveys or complete tasks in order to earn a buck or two here and there.  My goal is to earn enough between the two sites to give the kids a good Christmas since both can be redeemed for Amazon cards!  Here are the links:

instagc:  http://www.instagc.com/mindyschmelz

mommy knows surveys:  http://www.mommyknowssurveys.com/e/s.aspx?fid=18830359 

I was also chosen by Influenster to review the new Vicks Smart Temp thermometer for free.  I am not sure how I feel about it yet.  The only way to see the temperature is to have it bluetoothed to the app on your phone, there is no display on the unit.  If my kid is sick I don't want to deal with opening an app to see their temperature.  It does have cool features on the app though because you can create a profile for each family member and track their symptoms and temperature readings.  I guess that part is cool, I would just rather have a display on the unit as well.  It worked pretty easy once I figured it out so overall it's cool, but I don't know that I would spend $30 on it! 

Okay so I think that is about it.  Sorry for the short novel!  Hope yall enjoy.  Suggestions on things that you would like me to talk about in regards to my job are accepted.  I take what I do for granted but I know people always have questions!!!